It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us) Part of a quote from Marianne Williamson
Go for it! I want on my grave stone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Are you noticing that you are angry and resentful with certain people or situations repeatedly? Where does it seem like you are powerless over someone’s behavior? Are you reacting to someone’s behavior or someone? What are you reacting to? Is this reaction a habitual pattern of behavior when people around you are a certain way? Whats the impact on others when you react? Whats the impact on yourself? Maybe you take things too personal or you yell or withdraw when you are hurt. Maybe you pay off someones debt when you could allow them to be responsible. Do you have a hard time distinguishing what is your responsibility and what is theirs?
. The law of responsibilities includes loving others and yourself. We are to treat others as the way we would want to be treated. Another aspect of being Responsible is setting limits on an others destructive and irresponsible behavior. It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their destructive behavior. If you do you rescue them you have just reinforced the pattern. It is hurtful not to have limits with others. Give to real needs and put limits on their choices to reel you in. Boundaries help us do just that.
Did you know their are ten main laws of Boundaries? the first one is the law of sewing and Reaping. If you spend more then you make consistently eventually you will get into trouble with creditors. If you exercise and eat well consistently you may have better health then people who don;t. Sometimes, however people don’t reap what they sow, because someone else steps in and reaps the consequences for them.Today we call someone who continuously rescues others a codependent.
Healthy Boundaries, what does that look like? Did you know that our boundaries are formed from infancy on? If our parents don;t have healthy boundaries because of needs not being met they pass on those unhealthy behaviors to us. DID you or do you allow your children to say no and have the no be respected? Or did you shame or guilt them? Allowing and respecting a child’s NO allows them to grow u[p with healthy boundaries. You can respect there no and not necessary give in to them. You can give them a choice. You can say no to not eating supper and if you don’t eat supper you don’t get desert, you choose. They get their No is respected and their is a consequence TO OUR Choices. When children get they can say no without punishment they get to choose not be told what to do. Then when they are 11 or older and older kids are pushing them to do drugs, they don’t feel pressured into doing what they have been educated not to, they get to choose and face consequences of choice. If their No’s are not respected they can give in because of fear of losing love. CHILDREN HAVE VALUES, THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS THAT ARE DIFFERENT FROM US. Respect that. As we raise our children, are we teaching them healthy boundaries by letting them make mistakes and letting them face the consequences of those mistakes or are we always rescuing them so they don’t have to take responsibility for their choices? Take a look at your relationships, in your own family of origin. The family you created, co-workers, friendships. If you are struggling anywhere it could be because healthy boundaries have not been established. Read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go that way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others. Do you know that we have secrets we loose power. I’m not saying share everything with every body, I am saying you need to speak with some one you trust a mentor, a counselor and good friend that will validate your feelings and help you gain freedom. I assert when we have no secrets we start on the road to freedom, we become un mess able. No one can harm us! Try it out. Keeping secrets keep us separate and alone, isolated from reality. We think we are the only ones. I can’t share that what will they think of me. When we start sharing with safe people we hear I went through that too, this is what I did when that happened.
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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