ARE YOU STOPPED or stuck because you are afraid of what people will think of you? Ask yourself what am I so afraid of? Be willing to get to the source of your fear. I personally get to the source by working with a trusted friend, a coach, or a mentor. Once I do that, I am free and no one can mess with me.
When I joined Al-Anon in the 80’s, I was so afraid people would think I was a failure because I was in my early 30’s and had been married two times. Once I shared that with my sponsor and she still loved and respected me, I could share that in the meetings without shame.
Now in my 60’s, I have failed a third marriage. I have no shame. I have never had a healthy relationship with a man. First starting with my father. In fact, I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for 23rd years, that was emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially bankrupt because I hadn’t had two marriages work, so I assumed it must be all me.
Can you picture this? I had two children to raise, and I was full of fear. I should have left the marriage after two months. I didn’t because I worried about what people would think of me. It killed me, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially. I gained weight and ballooned to almost 200 pounds. I lost most of my money. Before we were married I owned a store and home, had money in the bank and had a five thousand dollar mortgage. I was confident and well thought of. Once in the marriage, I became ashamed and began hiding things from myself and others. I minimized the abuse, thingkng if only I was a better wife, mother, whatever, this wouldn’t be happening That it must be my fault. I’ve since left that marriage and have released over 60 pounds. I now weigh less than when I did at age 21, and I feel and look fabulous.
It’s been a few years and between counseling and workshops. I am mentally and emotionally healthy. I only hang out with people who love and adore me, I have to continually be at the source of my story, and my life. I continue to coach people from my years of wisdom and experience and lead and attend transformational workshops. I am starting to earn more money. I am debt-free and creating myself to become financially wealthy. I have coaches and constantly share what is going on with me. I have become bold and “un-messable-with” Nothing you say is going to stop me.
I had a girlfriend who had this interpretation of my marriages: she shared, “Most people would give up by now. You’re still excited about life and are willing to risk and create another relationship to attain a healthy one. Good for you. You have attained skills, practice, and wisdom that should make you an awesome coach in this area You are going out with a bang”
Get a notebook and pen and get ready to write the answers to these questins.
- What are you afraid people will say about you?
- Do you realize people are always going to judge and say things and that you are powerless over that? You are not powerless over your reactions to what they say.
- Is what they are saying the truth?
- If it is, does it really matter? If it isn’t does it really matter?
- Could there be another interpretation that would empower you?
- Are you willing to see another way?
- Who could you talk to that won’t buy your fears and be able to give you another view or insight into this situation?
- Is worrying about what people think of you a habitual pattern? How many years back does this fear go? What is that fear costing you? Are you willing to give that story up and come from this question, what are you committed to? What is a new story that you could invent that would interrupt or disrupt your old story? What then could become available?
- What are two new effective actions you could take right now? Write them down.
Put a date in your calendar NOW when you will take these new actions. My recommendation is to take these new actions within 24 hours. Answer these questions.
Can you do this? OF COURSE YOU CAN! I guarantee when you answer all these questions, when you start taking new effetive ations from your discoveries, you will experience a new found freedom in your everyday life in those areas that are important to you.
Go for it! I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go that way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others.
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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Thanks for Listening!
Keep THRIVING! AND LETS GET YOU UNSTUCK and have you THRIVE!
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