This week will talk about Giving up the need to be always right. and the need for others approval
The need to be Right:
I think we all can own the need to be right from time to time. We love being right. If we are right someone is wrong. There is a high cost to always being right and making someone wrong.
Have you ever been around someone who always has a view and they always have to be right about their view. There is no room for the view of the other. Even when it is not necessary to point something out, they always have to point something out.
What is your experience when that happens? My experience when I’m around that behavior is. I don’t feel validated, I don’t feel valued. I don’t feel I get a voice when someone is repetitively being right around me.
Ask yourself this question.
Why am I saying that? Is it to be right and make someone wrong? What is my motive behind being right at this moment?
You can be right and if you allow others the dignity to discover that for themselves, they probably will learn more.
Lots of time in relationships we want to have one over on the other – hmm- see I told you! In certain areas of your relationship you could be right a lot, it can become humorous. But if it is continuous and no let up, there is not a lot of dignity left for others. For example, there are times where I have a need to be right. When my oldest daughter purposely says things to provoke especially after we have a disagreement. If I have to be right at that moment there is no winning for either of us. There is no peace. Why can’t I just let it go and in a quieter moment have a conversation around it?
I also notice that when I’m trying to be right, I’m not feeling secure in those moments. especially if I have to insist on being right. I can be right without having to say anything. Sometimes I think people are right because they have no confidence. So they want to have one over on another.
There is a cost in our relationships when we have to be right all the time, people stop wanting to hang around us. When we are so righteously good we are no earthly good, we get to avoid being vulnerable and present to another person.
I really believe everyone has a right to their view. One view isn’t better than the other. If we can give each other dignity that we don’t always have to agree to each other’s views and we have a right to have a view the world would be a happier place. We would all feel heard and valued.
I just know at times when I have to be right and you are wrong there is not a lot of peace and there is not a lot of happiness.
A question to ask at that time. Who do you never get to be when you are righteous? Is being right getting you what you want?
Another thing to give up to be happy is the need for approval. It is similar to impressing others.
For years I wanted the approval of my father. My father was not a mentally healthy man. Yet even though his behavior was repeatedly inappropriate towards me, I constantly looked for his approval and I did not get it. Then this light bulb went off for me. My father was afraid of me. If I told people what he was doing they would be pretty upset. Once I realized my dad’s behavior towards me was out of fear. I was totally free and stopped seeking his or others’ approval. I was totally freed up. I don’t know about you When I am needy for approval I take on and do things I don’t necessarily want to do. Doing things for approval is not necessarily in my best interest or yours. My invitation is to look at when you need others people’s approval, ask yourself this question. What are you seeking? What is the cost to you?
Go for it! I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go the way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others?
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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