I noticed that what shapes my actions is how I hold something, or perceive something. How something occurs for you can shape your actions. I discovered that I have been blind to an old conversation that shapes most of my actions. When I was a little girl, I was removed from my siblings and parents and put in several foster holmes. I made that mean I don’t count. I can’t have what I want. I’ve seen that conversation before and thought I had interrupted it. Yet when you look back over my life there is a definite pattern there that keeps me from achieving what I want. I had never seen that before. Its come up alot lately and I’m curious where that old conversations runs my actions.
There is a default way of being and acting when I experience I don’t count or I can’t have what I want. If I look deeper some of the conversations I say to myself when I experience I don’t count is “why bother” “What the use” etc. I finally am seeing that I set up my life so I don’t get what I want. There is a definite pattern. Sometimes it’s subtle. I have a large number of monies and then I end up giving it away or spending it when I could have done something else, like buy a property for security. When I married my former husband I owned a store and an apartment and had no debt. Twenty-three years later when we split I am broke, living in poverty, and have to start again. I have had to start again from scratch financially a few times. I find that interesting. I say I want to be a billionaire philanthropist yet if you looked at my bank account, there is a huge gap there.
How does life occur to you in the moment.? Can you see some patterns if you look at your past and now. What is a default way of being that you fall back on over and over again? Get curious. what shapes your actions, you might be surprised.
Go for it! I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go that way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others.
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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