I had a seventeen-year-old teen come to me for some coaching. He was to meet his grandmom and sibling for a birthday lunch in the next town over. The grandma and he had a disagreement about three months ago and she hadn’t talked to him since then. The sibling and he rarely talked and when they did they frequently didn’t get along well. I asked him out of curiosity, why do you want to meet for this birthday lunch with your sibling given your past experience?
His reply was, I want my sibling to experience being loved. I invited him to write it down on a piece of paper. My intention is to have my sibling experience being loved. Then put that piece of paper in his wallet. He agreed. I asked him to repeat that intention and to remember that as he had lunch with his sibling and Grandma. I then asked him what will he do if his sibling says things that usually trigger him? What if they say something you don’t like or something confronting or makes you feel uncomfortable? I said if you respond how you usually do, defending yourself, will your sibling experience your intention. that they experience being loved? His answer was no. Then I said in that case you may not have a lot to say. You may not speak a lot during this luncheon. He responded with Oh! Then I continued and said your Grandmother sometimes says derogatory things to you correct? If you respond how you would normally respond will your sibling experience your intention of being loved? He said no. I said here is another reason you may not be speaking much during this lunch. He looked at me and said yes I can see that.
I requested that while he was at the luncheon he look at his intention for his sibling before he spoke. Then ask himself if I speak this will my sibling experience being loved, and if not then not to respond. He promised he would.
I was a bit apprehensive and I had to trust that whatever happened, it might be better than how it had been the last time they got together. I prayed that creating an intention and him asking himself before speaking, will what I say cause this intention? Would this create a different outcome for him?
We can’t always control what others do. With practice, we can control how we respond. First. it has to start with us creating an intention.
About three hours later this young man came home, kissed me on the back of my head, gave me a hug and went to his room. I was so relieved. obviously, his creating an intention worked. He didn’t want to talk about it except to say he had a good time. He got a taste of how he could respond differently and he could cause a different outcome.
When you are going into any situation, particularly where there is tension, a potential for disagreements, or adversity, it’s a good thing to look at what is your intention, what is the outcome you intend to happen, and then write it down.
You are responsible for your reactions, not theirs.
It’s amazing when we go into a situation and our intention is to be peaceful, loving or joyful. We can then be responsible and ask ourselves are these actions or inaction I’m taking going to cause this intention? Every morning you can create an intention to live into. The other morning I created the intention to be focused and productive. I noticed that as I was sitting on the toilet I checked out Facebook, and twenty-five minutes went by. I realized I was not focused and productive during that time. I got distracted. Because I had made an intention I was able to see I was not being focused and productive and get right back on track. Without creating intentions we can waste the day away.
What intention are you creating today? Is there a situation that could be shifted if you created an intention? You could ask someone to be your accountability partner and you could partner with them if they want. It just takes a few min in the morning to text your intention. It only takes a few min in the evening to text if you were able to take actions that were in alignment with that intention. You could text your celebrations in the evening to your accountability partner. Or you could text your breakdowns and what you are going to shift for the next day. Creating an intention daily or for situations takes practice. Practicing eventually becomes mastery. Throughout the day look at your written intention. Ask yourself, are these actions I’m taking going to fulfill my intention? What actions will support me right now, then start taking them. Just noticing you are not taking those actions will give you access to getting back on track, like when I was sitting on the toilet wasting twenty-five minutes on Facebook. When I realized what I had done, I was able to get back on track.
When you are going to have a conversation with someone you could share what your intention is before you have the conversation. You could also ask them what their intention is in this conversation. That way you both can align to produce the outcome you both want. You can only hold yourself to your intention not them. It will help you focus on – what is the result I want to happen in this situation? I assert this will give you more power. It will give you access to being responsible for what you want to cause.
When I wrote my best-selling book “Getting Unstuck” my intention was whatever chapter a person read. If they answered the questions honestly after each chapter, my promise was they would move forward and get unstuck. That intention is being fulfiled every time someone reads a chapter.
Before launching my book my intention was to have it become a best seller on the launch date. I took the necessary actions to cause that. I declared it would happen and it did. I enrolled my team of two hundred and they in turn enrolled their community of my intention and asked them to purchase my book on the launch date. I also followed up with everyone to make sure that happened. My team and their communities were awesome. Because I did that I had a better chance of causing my intention. Without that intention, there was a very, very slim chance. Now even if I had taken on the actions, I might not have caused that intention. The difference would be that I went all out 100 percent. I could at least say I gave it my all. That in itself can be very satisfying. Sometimes we do fail to cause from our intention but without an intention, there is no focus and a slim chance of producing what we want.
Go for it! I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking are in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go the way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others?
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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Thanks for Listening!
Wendy B
I support women when facing adversity to Reclaim Their Power bringing them more clarity, confidence, and joy. Also, I share my 40 years of experience of being a successful entrepreneur while raising two children who are now adults.
https://Wendybergen.com
Wendy Bergen
International renowned Transformational Solution Coach, Author
Motivational Speaker, podcaster: Thriving at Sixty
Certified Reclaim Your Power (RYP) Workshop, Leader
Transformational Coach transforming your perception of yourself and others one conversation at a time.
Best selling Author of “Getting Unstuck,” 30 Ways to turn YOUR limiting barriers into clarity, freedom and power
Dare, Dream, Dance, Smile, and Sing Loudly!
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Keep THRIVING! AND LET’S GET YOU UNSTUCK and have you THRIVE!
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