Have you ever noticed that the more you complain, the less happy you are? I’m starting to coach people on a scale of 1-10 how high is your whineometer? When we can get present to the amount of complaining we do, we have a chance to shift it and our happiness meter.
Rate your level of complaining (whineometer) How emotionally juicy is this complaint. Where 10 is I’m so upset I can’t eat my favourite food or can’t sleep and 1 is, what is this word “complaint” which you speak of?
Do you complain just to be heard and to get attention or do you put a complaint out there to create a solution? Your happiness depends on how long you hang onto the complaint and how fast you create a solution.
I was looking at the areas I complain about and my level of whineometer. Where I live the people upstairs are not very thoughtful. They know there is no soundproofing between the floors. No rugs and yet they let four kids run around the house literally most days hollering, hammering, bouncing things off the hardwood floors from approximately 7:00 am. till 10 most nights and sometimes later. Ugh! I’d say my whineometer is 8-10 most days. We live close to a busy road so I can’t even open the windows unless I want to be woken up at 4:15 in the morning. I notice my complaining to the landlord that he needs to soundproof the place and my complaining and focusing on the noise of traffic and the kids making noise is not making me happy and it also doesn’t change the noise level. The more righteous I get about thoughtless landlords and tenants the unhappier I get. When I have guests over and they complain about the noise I get to keep focusing on my complaint rather than the solution. Mu righteousness allows me not to take the necessary actions to solve the problem.
The more we complain the less happy we are. The less we complain and focus on the solution the happier we are.
How do you stop complaining? You look at the three A’s. First, become aware, then accept then take the necessary action. First, you have to become aware that you are complaining. Then you have to accept the way it is and the way it isn’t before you can take action. I notice when I become aware and take action before I accept the way it is and the way it isn’t, the outcome is usually not too good. I first have to accept the way it is and the way it isn’t before I can create a solution to the satisfaction of all parties involved.
I assert that if you alter your thoughts by interrupting and questioning them, you can alter your actions. Most of us do not question our thoughts – therefore we stay stuck or keep complaining and being unhappy. I believe it takes a lifetime to master transforming our thoughts. Every moment you have an opportunity to question yourself. Complaining limits our happiness. When we complain we are not focusing on the solution so we complain.
My invitation is to start writing down daily what do you complain about. A way to find out what you complain about is to interview your family, friends, co-workers and start asking them what do I complain about? First before asking them that question you have to be willing to not get mad and react. Let them speak their truth, whether you agree or not. Do not interrupt just listen. You could say I’m doing this experiment to become aware of how I come across to people and I want to know if I complain a lot? You could ask what do I complain about? If you measured my complaint(s) on a scale of 1-10 where would the scale be? If they say yes you complain a lot you then could ask them if they would mind helping you out to reduce complaining. You could say I am experimenting and want to increase my level of happiness. If I reduce my complaints will that up my level of happiness? Would you support me? Create a plan where you are accountable to them. It could be as simple as, asking them to write down with a checkmark how often you complain when you are around them? Let’s say it s 20 times a day. Then play a game to reduce it to 15 then 10 etc.
I’m not saying we don’t have legitimate complaints; but are you willing to focus on the solution and take action by looking at the solution rather than the complaint? This is worth checking out,
Go for it! I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out! What do you want them to say about you?
Ask yourself are your actions and speaking in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted? Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go the way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others? What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others?
Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)
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I support women when facing adversity to Reclaim Their Power bringing them more clarity, confidence, and joy. Also, I share my 40 years of experience of being a successful entrepreneur while raising two children who are now adults.
International renowned Transformational Solution Coach, Author
Motivational Speaker, podcaster: Thriving at Sixty
Certified Reclaim Your Power (RYP) Workshop, Leader
Transformational Coach transforming your perception of yourself and others one conversation at a time.
Best selling Author of “Getting Unstuck,” 30 Ways to turn YOUR limiting barriers into clarity, freedom and power
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